false labor. godparents. you know.

Braxton freaking Hicks. I feel like I've said those words more than anything else in the last month. Personally, I'm getting sick of hearing myself say them. Also, they are very misleading! These "practice" contractions (or fake, as I like to call them) lead me to believe that I might not truly know when I do go into labor. My doctor has assured me that I'll "know" the real thing, I'll "know" when it's labor. But for every time my doctor tells me that, I meet another mom who tells me that they had no idea they were in labor, couldn't tell the difference. Once again we bring up the whole "every woman's pregnancy is different", so I guess this is bound to happen. Anyway, these stupid Braxton-Hicks have been plaguing me since the beginning of July. But back then it would be once, maybe twice a week. Now it is every day, sometimes for a few hours straight! You see why it might lead a girl to believe she might be in labor? But might not? 

Yesterday was a particularly confusing day. You see, we are t-minus 15 days until the official due date so it's all fair game now. I went for a nice, long walk with my friend Michelle and started getting the Braxton-Hicks then, which I am used to. The creepy thing is now ROCK HARD your stomach gets. That's your uterus getting all crazy on you and stuff. But it's very, very uncomfortable. Sometimes the BHs are painful, but yesterday it was plain old uncomfortable. I swear though, my stomach stayed rock hard for HOURS. This just made me generally kind of miserable. But then! I thought my water broke. But I wasn't sure (do you see all of these uncertainties?!). I am expecting this water breaking thing to be very dramatic like a flash flood or someone kicking over a full bucket of water. What I was experiencing was more like a trickle-ish thing. I wasn't in any pain. So I've got a rock hard belly and possible water break. Lucas had me call the doctor but they were closed and I didn't want to get all crazy and call whoever was on duty for fear of sounding well, crazy ("I THINK MAYBE my water broke but, uh, not sure.") Obviously, I'm still here and still very pregnant so clearly this was a case of the falsies a.k.a false labor. I guess it was just constant BH and my bladder just being an epic fail (THE JOYS OF PREGNANCY). In other words, baby ain't ready yet.

Let's talk godparents. Yay or nay? Apparently this is a pretty big deal for a lot of people. Anyone that I know that is a godparent takes it seriously and as a big honor. I don't have godparents. I remember when I found out about them and my friends would talk about how cool their godparents were. I asked my mother who mine were and she said, "I don't even know what you are talking about. You have GRANDparents." Okay, conversation over. Plus who whole "god" thing leads me to believe this has some religious connotation and that is pretty much lost on me. So let's Wikipedia!! Officially, it is someone who sponsors a child's baptism. Traditionally, it states that "godparents were informally responsible for ensuring a child's religious education was carried out should he/she be orphaned". This is not sounding like Lucas or myself at all. I am not a religious person. I am all for it, but I am just not religious. Luckily, the whole godparent thing has become a bit more modernized and it says that they are individuals who take interest in the child's upbringing and personal development. That's a little better. Lucas chose a godfather very early on in the pregnancy. Basically, he randomly announced it to me one night. I have no qualms with who he chose, I just wish he had at least consulted me first. He thought I would love this because "now you get to choose the godmother!". Ah, no. Choosing a godparent is hard! I honestly don't know. And I hope that doesn't offend any of my wonderful and amazing female friends, but I really just don't know! It wouldn't even be an official thing anyway because we certainly wouldn't do any of that religious ceremonial stuff. Maybe I'll just have Lucas do it. 

I realize I haven't posted any bump pictures for awhile and it seems like a moot point because tomorrow is 38 weeks, but here you go!

37 weeks and 6 days. I'm not unhappy! I'm just concentrating.

Front belly view.

P.S.- Got an email from Nordstrom today about shoe sale and clearance. Got really excited! I haven't purchased shoes in FOREVER because well, obviously. All I wear are flip flops now because anything else makes my feet swell. It's sad. But this pregnancy is pretty much done, so NEW SHOES.

thoughts at 36 weeks.

photo courtesy of  FlynetPictures.com

So here we are at 36 weeks. I have made it through nine months of pregnancy. Only four more weeks to go or 27 days until my due date, however you choose to look at it. The best is yet to come, and maybe even the worst....I am still slightly terrified of the whole birthing process. 

Is it strange though, that now that we are so close to the finish line, that I am having a harder time than ever picturing myself as a mother? For example, we got our big mama stroller just the other day. And I absolutely love it but...it is so difficult to picture myself pushing the stroller around with a baby inside. It's a mental image I can barely even comprehend. It's just...weird! Not bad weird, just weird. 

I always thought I would have children, I just didn't know when. When I was very young I thought I would be married by 18 and be having my first child at 20. Ha! Life definitely doesn't happen that way and honestly, I am very glad it didn't. I can tell you that at 20 years old I was in no way fit to be a mother. Or married for that matter. I can also tell you that I got to a point where I thought, maybe I just won't have children or maybe I won't start until I am 35 and have an established career as who knows what but it probably requires fashionable shoes and a caffeine addiction. So imagine my surprise at being 24 years old and pregnant and um, not quite where I expected to be career wise. Me, a mom, at 25? Pushing a stroller, changing diapers, cleaning spit up, no sleep, feedings every two hours, etc. Is this me now? Is this my identity? 

Being a mother is an incredibly important role and I don't take it lightly. Even if it does seem strange to me. This little girl, I am going to have to show her the world and teach her things and protect her and nurture her. I think about issues that I have and how I never want to pass them on to her. But is motherhood what defines me? Am I Taylor, the mom, the end. Because I still have dreams. There are still things I want to accomplish. I have goals and plans (and yes I realize the plans may not go exactly as I hope) and yeah, I still do want that career. And the fashionable shoes. I've already got the caffeine addiction. Yes, I want to do these things for myself, but also for her too. I want our family to live comfortably. I'd like to buy a house. Or even rent a nice apartment where it's just the three of us. Hell, I'd like to get married eventually. I want to start a college fund for her. She's my little girl after all, and I want to succeed for her. I want to set a good example. 

I am hoping this is all normal and I don't come off as being selfish or not ready for motherhood. Well, I'm not totally ready but who is?! I think I just want to know that at the end of the day I'll still be me. I realize that me also means Mom. But I hope I still get to be Taylor.

my baby shower.

Saturday was a lovely day to have a baby shower! It was warm out, but with a nice ocean breeze and although the morning seemed gloomy, by noon the sun was shining. It was a truly wonderful day and we couldn't have asked for more. We were surrounded by friends, family, and a heck of a lot of love. I wish my family could have been there, but that's the price you pay when you move across the country. Plus, my parents will be out here just in time for baby's arrival. Also, as you can see by the cake, we have chosen the name. Most of our friends know but for whatever reason I have yet to put it in this blog. I think I am a little afraid I might jinx it. Jinx what exactly, that I am not sure of. Anyway, our little girl is going to be named Olivia Eleanor. Olivia, because we just like it and it sounds actually really good with her last name. And Eleanor after my great grandmother. And now, picture spamming of the baby shower!

See the skirt in all its glory! I was going for some sort of pregnant ballerina look.

Our wonderful friend Shannon!

Cutting the cake.

On the phone with my Mom.

Gifts!

Dave and Cindy, always laughing, always happy!

Courtney, Shannon, myself, and Michelle.

I have no idea what this picture is about, but I sure do like it.

See that baby? I love that baby!

Ah, Angels gear. I wanted some Yankee gear as well, but I was overruled. Once a New Yorker, always a New Yorker. (Grandparents, are you listening?)

He was pretty excited.

Dueling bellies. I love a man who isn't afraid to show off his belly.

My amazing friends and shower hosts, Nikki and Amber.

Please note the pretty shoes had come off by the end of the party. Flip flops!

it's a big day.

Today is my baby shower, guys! WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? Good grief, seriously, wasn't it just yesterday that I was only four months along? Now here I am, 34 weeks (ONLY SIX MORE???!!), getting ready to celebrate my baby girl. I'm awfully excited, yet slightly nervous because I have about zero experience with baby showers prior to this. I have been told it requires lots of smiling and thank yous. My sweet boyfriend is up right now, at 7:19AM, making dishes for the party. I'm lucky he likes to cook. The shower is being thrown by my wonderful, lovely friends Nikki and Amber and I can't wait to see what they've done! One of the things I had to do regarding this shower was to stay out of it for the most part and just relinquish control to them. I think I did okay! Not an easy feat for a control freak though, I tell ya.

Let's talk baby shower outfits. I put a lot of emphasis on my outfit and I really wanted to find the perfect dress. Well, instead I found the perfect skirt. And oh is it ever perfect. I came across it at H&M.

Is it not the most amazing skirt ever?! I'm in love. And it has an elastic waist and it fits perfectly under my belly in my normal size which means I can wear it after! Seriously, ladies, you do NOT need to buy maternity wear, it's really just not necessary. I have purchased two things from the maternity store throughout my entire pregnancy. One of those giant pillows from Boppy and nursing bras. The end. You do not need to sink a fortune into a whole new wardrobe. I feel very strongly about this! It's all about easy basics that grow with you. Basic tees and tanks. Maxi skirts. Inexpensive maxi dresses. Leggings. Layering! Just go up a size!

And since we're on the subject...can we please talk about H&M's Fall line? And how it's the best collection they've done in years?? I mean, the skirt! And do you know how much it cost? $24.95. Shut the front door. I almost don't even want to tell people how awesome their new stuff is because I want it all for myself. Some favs:

You have no idea how deep my love for 60's style babydoll mini dresses goes. I mean, we go way back. I can't resist.

Super cute, comes in a variety of colors, and buttons! Optimal for breastfeeding!

There are few things I enjoy more than an over sized sweater. Love.

Alright, so big day ahead. Can't wait to see what today has in store for us!